In following yesterdays post on manipulation of information delivery, let’s get right into the subsequent 2 categories of event prediction and sensory acuity…
1. Prediction of Events:
When I say “prediction of events”, what I mean is the ability to assign a probability to whether someone is going to follow through on their assertions one way or another. Again, reading body language can only give you a view into one or both areas of congruence and general mental states. So although you won’t KNOW exactly what they are thinking, congruence or incongruence in their informational message and their nonverbally communicated message can be very informative.
Let’s say that you want your best friend to help you move you’re the contents of your loft on Saturday of this week. Your friends so your guard is down and you haven’t prepared anything persuasive for him… You just ask outright “So are you going to be there on Saturday to help with the move?” Now let’s analyze his answer.
- What type of message should you receive from him? “Yes, of course…”
- What message are you receiving? “Yes, of course…”
- What is the context geographically/socially/culturally? You are in the mall in a suburb of New Jersey.
- What type of demeanor will help them to facilitate that? A direction of compassion and sincerity.
- What type of demeanor are you receiving? Nervousness and fidgety behavior
- What are the fundamental verbal and nonverbal traits of the demeanor that goes with their verbal message? An open and “toward facing” stance with both arms relaxed and a slight, relaxed airiness to their face. Their voice should be relaxed, with a bit of pep to it and have normal volume and rhythm.
- What are the traits you are receiving? His hips and feet are facing away from me with his arms folded… He is continually running his fingers through his hair and he looked away frequently during the conversation. His voice was a bit elevated in pitch, tone and volume and the rhythm/pace was a bit quicker than normal.
- Are their any specific fringe traits that should occur? When he is really interested in engaging in something he will usually ask questions to understand what exactly is going on.
- Were the fringe traits present? No. He was very happy to change the subject.
I think it is (or at least it should be) pretty obvious where this is going. He most certainly will NOT be there on Saturday.
2. Sensory Acuity Barometer:
If you have ever seen someone with NO sensory acuity engage in a conversation, you will probably understand how incredibly important this skill is. People with our sensory acuity generally conduct a deposition or a lecture… they will not engage in a two way communication. This is because they have no clue as to what type of engagement or reactions their own communication is creating inside of the other person.
For you to be effective in your communication, you need to be able to read the signals the other person is giving off while you are speaking with them in order to appropriately directionalize, or even end things as the conversation progresses.
Let’s say that you met this amazing woman at the local club… You’ve had a few drinks together and the conversation has seemed to be moving along nicely. It is getting late and you have to get going and would like to get her number. Although you have been talking for a while the conversation never took an “intimate” turn and being the communication expert that you are, you want to draw her toward that aspect tactfully rather than simply dropping the hammer and just asking out right for her number. This way, if you can be sure of her interested regardless of simply receiving her number.
So your next move is to ask her about any interesting dates she has been on lately… Let’s analyze her response.
- What type of message should you receive from her? “Disappointment because she hasn’t found the right man YET…”
- What message are you receiving? The same as above… disappointment because her search hasn’t yielded her dream man. The mustache donning, leisure suit wearing disco stud that you just so happen to be…
- What is the context geographically/socially/culturally? You are in a night club in Hollywood, CA. Energetic, open, liberal and exciting.
- What type of demeanor will help her to facilitate this message? Disappointment followed by hopefulness.
- What type of demeanor are you receiving? Disappointment followed by an upward glimmer of hopefulness.
- What are the fundamental verbal and nonverbal traits of the demeanor that goes with their verbal message? A bit of a drooped posture with a slightly frowning face followed by a bit of upright movement in her posture. Her face should move into a slight smile with her eyes squinting a bit and a pouting of her lips. Her voice should be a little bit monotone and deepened at first followed by a bit of pep to it and move into a bit of increase volume and rhythm.
- What are the traits you are receiving? All of the above… we are right on and I think she really is interested in seeing you again.
- Are their any specific fringe traits that should occur? You have never met her before so you cannot gauge her from a historical standpoint.
Your sensory acuity should tell you on this one that you are free to go to the next step and ask her for her number to begin fulfilling all of her wildest disco dreams…
Whew… OK. That was quite a bit of work there. Now it is IMPORTANT to understand that what I have outlined above is a system of thought that should be practiced for a period of time to develop a SKILL. Obviously, you cannot go into each situation for the rest of your life taking 60 seconds to determine, consciously, what direction to go in and how exactly to act. With practice, what you can and will do is develop a subconscious thought pattern that will greatly help you to achieve an effective communication strategy automatically and instantly.
The Communication Expert Blog